Did I chose this path…Hell No! Yet here I was, smack in the middle of my own mess… And with the unfortunate knowledge, especially as a therapist, no one really has control of our actions, choices and behaviors but ourselves. So here I sit. I am desperately in need of at least a drink, (I’m out of wine) and it’s 2:30am.. Or I could have a lengthy pity party… Again!!! I think I need to space those out a bit. Markus is definitely moving out. Reality really sucks. He honestly has no feelings left for me, this is completely apparent but the way he seems to struggle with simple polite conversation. He texts nicities, tho that’s about it. And just when it appears he may want to say something meaningful, he stops and
writes NVM. I tried to convince myself when I came back from Florida the beginning of April, he would fall in love with me again. Now I am convinced he really never loved me. It’s like he doesn’t notice I exist. So I move on. I suppose we never really knew each other in the first place. Somehow that doesn’t dull the pain.